God has a plan for each of his children.  His "rough draft" for
each of us is as unique as each individual.  I found his plan for me
particularly challenging.  

	Early in the fall of 1990 during my second year at Elon College
I found myself struggling with my sexuality.  Was I gay?  Straight?
Bisexual?  I just didn't know.  What I did know was that if I was gay,
the world was against me.  I also knew from going to church when I was
growing up that, for the most part, the church did not accept
homosexuality or, sadly, homosexuals.  Two strikes against me.  On top
of all of this, all of my friends at home and at Elon wer very anti-gay
and as a result I had no one with whom I could discuss my problem.
Strike three, I was out!  I decided to leave Elon on the first day of
Winter Term.  That was Monday, January 7, 1991.

I packed everything I could into my little golf bag (I got just about
all that I had with me at school) and drove to Nags Head, NC, to stay
the night with one of my friends from home before going to check out
C.N.* College.  I visited C.N., liked what I saw and was accepted on
the spot.  I found an apartment and began classes the following Monday.
I had heard that W&M* had a gay student organization called Alternatives,
so I decided to check it out.  What did I have to lose?  I knew
absolutely no one in the area, and I was lonely and feeling empty.
Besides, who would see me there anyway.

	I sat through the whole meeting: it was my first public
admission that I was or might be gay.  After the meeting, I met and
started conversing with a couple of people.  That couple turned out to
be two seniors at W&M, P* & J*, who just happened to be Christians.
We hit it off quite well and after talking for a while we made plans
to go to [a restaurant]* for dinner that Friday night after their
Intervarsity meeting. After having dinner we went back to P's place for
more conversation.  The discussion turned toward religious matters, and
I was actually able to remain in the conversation because I had a little
knowledge of Christ, as a result of my mom raising my family in a
Christian environment.  They discussed going to church that Sunday, and
I asked if I could join them.  I think their jaws hit the floor!  I
joined them at W* Community Chapel on Sunday.

        That Tuesday, P and J had made "Alternative" plans for me.
We all went to [the deli]*.  J and I arrived before P and were
discussing certain voids in my life.  I was materialistic, and whatever
I had was never as good as what someone else had.  J suggested that
maybe the reason I felt unsatisfied was because of an emptiness in my
heart--and just maybe it was shaped like God.  My response was something
to the effect of "Nonsense!  I know God."  After that I started to think
"Well, if I knew God, why would I be struggling with homosexuality?"  

	After this discussion I called a close friend at home and told
him that I was struggling with the possibility of being gay.  He was
really cool about the whole issue, and he made me feel better about
myself, but I still thought that what I was feeling was not right.  I
had no idea of what was about to happen, but this article is about God's
plan for me, not my plan for myself.

	On Friday, February 1, my older sister came to visit.  The next
 day we were having lunch and she started talking about how the Christian
 should accept and love all people and in particular, homosexuals.  I was
 just blown away. Did she think that I was struggling with my sexual
 identity?  I made it clear in so many words that I wasn't prejudiced
 towards homosexuals, but I didn't let on that I myself might be one
 (although she sensed it).  We finished lunch and she left for home
 because I--or rather God--had plans for this particular Saturday night.

	On Saturday night, February 2, 1991, a large group of people from
Intervarsity Christian Fellowship (including myself) went out to Ben and
Jerry's for ice cream.  The group talked for a while and then we all went
our separate ways.  Once J and I were back at campus, we went for a walk
because I had a lot of questions to ask him.  I asked him about the
Bible's stand on homosexuality.  God had prepared J for my questions,
and I could starting to see God's plan fall into place.  It wasn't too
hard for God to show me that the path of homosexuality was wrong.  The
Lord had given J several verses from Romans 1 to show me what the Bible
had to say about homosexuality.  Romans 1:21 says:  "For although they
knew God, they neither glorified Him as God nor gave thanks to Him, but
their thinking became futile and their hearts were darkened."  In verses
25-27 the Apostle Paul writes:
	"They (the Roman citizens) exchanged the truth of God 
	for a lie, and worshiped and served created things
	rather than the creator--who is forever praised...
	Because of this God gave them over to their shameful
	lusts.  Even their women exchanged natural relations
	for unnatural ones.  In the same way the men also
	abandoned natural relations with women and were
	inflamed with lust for one another.  Men committed
	indecent acts with other men, and received in
	themselves the due penalty for theit perversion."  (NIV)

	As I stated earlier, I thought that I knew God.  I then realized
that I knew OF God, but I did not personally know Him in the way that
I'd always heard the preachers say on Sunday morning.  I did not glorify
Him nor give thanks to Him; it seemed that the only time I ever prayed
was when I wanted Him to do something for me.  As a result of my
ignorance of God, He allowed me to struggle with something that I knew
was wrong and was contradictory to His will.  This realization hit me
like a brick.  At that moment, at the sundial in front of the library
at The College of W&M, I realized that Jesus died for ME and that to be
saved I must ask His forgiveness for my sins and ask Him to cleanse my
heart of these unnatural and unwanted desires.  I did so right then and
there, and my life has not been the same since!  I AM NOT GAY!!  That
was the most awesome realization I'd had in my life.  There are no words
to describe how I felt at that moment.  It was the most incredible high
that a man can ever feel!  I was high on God!!

	I've learned a lot about possible causes of homosexuality.  I
found out that around the age of 12 or 13, there is a need in children
(both boys and girls) for unconditional love by a male role model, in
particular, the father. If a boy does not feel this unconditional love,
he MAY look to other men to fulfill that need.  In my case, I didn't
feel that love from my father, and my relationship with my brother was
non-existent.  I thought that the only way I could ever be loved was by
another guy.  WRONG!  God loves all of his children
        U-N-C-O-N-D-I-T-I-O-N-A-L-L-Y.
I am thankful that I found God before I found a man who I thought would
love me unconditionally.  God takes us all just as we are.

        I feel that God allowed me to struggle with homosexuality,
because he was shaping me so that I may help others.  I don't know how
many people accepted it, but I challenged a group of about 300
Christians to pray for or even befriend a homosexual.  In the eyes of
a gay person, the Christian Church is closed to gay people.  Christians
are supposed to love their fellow man, but quite often they judge the
lifestyle without giving heed to the person.  I am most grateful to
P and J for not judging but simply giving an ear to listen to what
I was going through.  I saw God working in them, and He was working on me
throught them!

	It is amazing what prayer can do.  I found out after becoming a
Christian that so many people I hadn't yet met were praying for me and my
situation.  It's so funny.  In February of 1992, a friend of mine and a
friend of his went skiing [at a slope]*.  Since I was planning on being
at home that weekend and I lived so close to there, I offered them
lodging at my house for the night.  The friend that I didn't know, C*,
was a second-year MBA student at W&M who went to JMU for his undergrad
work.  He asked me how I became a Christian, and I proceeded to tell him
the "abridged" version of how I met a guy and a girl at the Campus Center
at W&M last January and we began to talk.  I didn't get into detail
because I didn't really know him and was a little uncomfortable discussing
the topic at my parent's house.  He asked me the names of the people I
met and I told him J and P.  All of a sudden he got the BIGGEST smile on
his face and he said: "You're the one we were praying for in our Graduate
Student Bible study!"  Do to this revelation, I began another friendship
as a result of my testimony.  I also saw how God provides people to pray
and encourage me--whether or not I even know these people.  I am walking,
talking proof of the power of prayer and that God's plan comes together
with precise, calculated timing.

	This article was published in "ONE" a Christian Publication by
W&M Christians in the Spring Edition 1992.  I would like to take just a
little more space and follow up in November 1992.  God has sent me to JMU
to continue to grow in Him and to try to encourage others to do the same.
I am a truly blessed young man.  I have been given an incredible support
in the form of Campus Crusade for Christ, my Bible Study led by JF* and
the most SPECIAL group of friends--you all know who you are--in fact,
you're probably pretty special if you're reading this testimony.  God
has also blessed me with a VERY special friend K* who is in her first year
of Veterinary School at VPI*. I feel that God has spoken to me and told me
that my calling is in the field of ministry although I am still not sure
in which form--He'll let me know though!  Anyway, I'll close with this
to all who are reading this:  God loves YOU and he does have a plan for
you--he will show it to you precisely when he wants you to know it if he
hasn't already.  To my brothers in my Bible Study, I truly love you guys
and I can't wait to spend eternity with y'all.

--CTBC*

*Names changed to maintain confidentiality