Maybe you've seen this, but if not, it's worth a read when you're bored. POLITICALLY CORRECT Bible We suppose it had to happen. Sooner or later someone was bound to notice that the Word of God isn't politically correct. Sure enough. Out from Oxford University Press this month is a new translation of the New Testament and Psalms that purports to set things right. This "inclusive" version is intended, the introduction says, to "provide direction and sustenance to those who long for justice." The injustices, it seems, are legion. In case you hadn't noticed, let us deconstruct the Scriptures for you, as seen through the eyes of the six American scholars who edited this new volume. We swear on a stack of King James Bibles that we aren't making up the following: To start with, all those "begats" favor fathers over mothers. Out they go, and whenever the wife of a biblical husband is known, the editors add her name. Out, too, are metaphors about darkness as evil and light as good, which, we are told, are offensive to people of color. Similarly, references to the blind, the deaf, and the lame are insensitive to people with disabilities, and so they are changed to "those who are blind," etc. And isn't the phrase "right hand of God" unfair to those who happen to be left-handed? "Mighty" hand is more sensitive. Language of abuse and servitude is also out. Hence, "slaves" become "enslaved people"; and parents "guide," not "discipline," their children, who in turn are told to "heed," not "obey," their parents. References to "circumcision" are vexing, but the editors sadly concede that they can't come up with an adequate gender-free substitute. But the big challenge comes in how to deal with God him-, her-, it-self. The editors' solution is to ban pronouns and keep repeating the genderless word "God." The words "Lord" and "King are also taboo ("Ruler" or "Sovereign" is substituted), and the patriarchal "Kingdom of God" becomes "Dominion of God." As for God the "Father," in this version, it's always "Father-Mother." Satan, feminists take note, gets similar gender free treatment. References to Jesus pose particular problems of their own. The words "he" and "son" are permitted in mentions of Jesus' life on earth. But the pre-existent and post-crucifixion Christ get no gender. "Master" becomes "Teacher" and the doubly offensive "Son of Man" becomes "the Human One." Needless to say, none of this is very poetic. It's also pretty pathetic to watch theologians waste their time worrying that a left-handed, blind, black woman might somehow think that the Bible excludes her, when the main message of the text teaches exactly the opposite. Apparently the contemporary equivalent of pondering how many angels can fit on the head of a pin is to calculate the number of gender offensive words in the Bible. The theological seminaries aren't immune to the cultural and linguistic extremism that flourishes on many university campuses these days, where words like "freshman" are verboten.