The Top 16 Biblical Ways to Acquire a Wife

16. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her 
head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes.  Then she's yours.
(Deuteronomy 21:11-13)

15. Find a prostitute and marry her.
Hosea (Hosea 1:1-3)

14. Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his 
flock.
Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)

13. Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.
Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)

12. Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab 
one and carry her off to be your wife.
Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)

11. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep.
Note: this will cost you a rib.
Adam (Genesis 2:19-24)

10. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in 
marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another 
seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place.
Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30)

9. Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and 
get his daughter for a wife.
David (I Samuel 18:27)

8. Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll
definitely find someone. (It's all relative of course.)
Cain (Genesis 4:16-17)

7. Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest.
Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)

6. When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I 
have seen a ...woman; now get her for me." If your parents question 
your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me."
Samson (Judges 14:1-3)

5. Kill any husband and take HIS wife.  (Prepare to lose four sons 
though).
David (2 Samuel 11)

4. Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow.  (It's not just a 
good idea, it's the law).
Onan and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)

3. Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity.
Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)

2. A wife?...NOT!!!
Paul (1 Corinthians 7:32-35)

1. Become sinless and die in atonement for others; then you can 
marry a whole bunch of people.
Jesus (Revelation 15?)