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FOR THOSE STRUGGLING AS
ADULT CHRISTIAN SINGLES



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Introduction
A chat session
Letter -- God's Plans for You
Links for Singles
Recommended Reading

Hello, and welcome! This page was originally thought of by John Lyons and Jamie "The Beacon Deacon" Johnson. This page's purpose is to offer hope and encouragement to those who struggle with being single in young adult life. Society expects many in their mid-20s and above to be married, but due to hurt or other difficulties, it just has not happened for some.....yet. It can be frustrating to deal with this issue and feel discouraged. Let us share with you words of encouragement. It wasn't until near my 29th birthday that I married.


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Below are excerpts from a cyber discussion between two Christian brothers regarding the struggle of being a Christian young adult single. In the discussion, there is both struggle to identify with and encouragement to provide hope. The true identities of the individuals will remain anonymous. The predominantly struggling individual will be dubbed SI and the predominantly encouraging individual will be dubbed EI. This discussion has been used with permission from with and encouragement to provide hope.

EI: God is preparing a woman and preparing you to be ready for each other at just the right time.

SI: I believe that God is preparing a woman for me, and I know he is preparing me for her. Even in my realization, however, my present pain persists.

EI: I know. Just go about your business and she will fall in your lap.

SI: Yep....I hear that ... all the time. [A friend and I] were talking about those kind of responses.

EI: Do you believe that God wants what is best?

SI: Yes I do.

EI: God is perfect. You are not. Who do you want in control?

SI: I want God in control. The responses, though, although given out of good motive ... many of them do not consider the present struggle. I do need to trust God with this. I struggle now.

EI: OK--presently, God wants you to be experiencing what you are experiencing right now. He wants to make sure that you are sold out to Him before you commit to some woman. It is a whole different ballgame for those of us who have told God that we want to do what He wants us to do.

SI: I know God wants me to experience this. I know that God is overseeing this. What I am saying is that so often people give me these "pat" answers and totally ignore my struggle. Their answers are true and are great...but out of context and in improper timing, they are frustrating.

EI: What should be said, then? What do you want to hear?

SI: I, and others, need to be met where we hurt. We need to be able to process the pain....THEN the typical responses can follow and actually be encouraging.

EI: I know the struggle, brutha. We are told that it is better to marry than to burn with passion, but we have no one to marry, and we burn...

SI: Right...and that is an encouragement to me.

EI: I am going to send something to you that [A friend] sent to me. I hope it helps. I will e-mail it to you.

SI: Ok. Please don't misread me....I appreciate responses and attempts at encouragement, but I feel that many ... don't meet me. I know that I don't always meet people, either. ... I think that [when I am talking to a hurting person], I must enter [his or her] world and meet [him or her] before I can slap down a solution. I would like to read that e-mail. This is a daily struggle for me....


Below is a copy of that e-mail message:

God's Plans For You...

"On His Plans For You and Your Mate"

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone -- to have a deep soul-relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly, and exclusively. But God, to the Christian, says, "No, not until you are satisfied with loving me alone... I love you, my child. And until you discover that only in me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship I have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with Me -- exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any longings or desires. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing and allow me to give you the most thrilling plan existing -- one that you cannot imagine. I want you to keep watching me, expecting the greatest things- keep experiencing that satisfaction knowing that I AM -- keep learning and listening to the things that I tell you... you must wait." "Do not be anxious. Do not worry. Do not look around at the things that others have gotten or I have given them. Do not look at things looking off and away up to me, or you will miss what I will show you. And then, when you are ready, I will surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any you would dream. You see, until you are ready and until the one I have planned for you is ready... I am working even this minute to have both of you ready at the same time... Until you are both satisfied exclusively with me and the life I have prepared for you, you will not be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me, and enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty and perfection and love that I offer you myself. Know that I love you utterly. I am God Almighty, believe and be satisfied.

The discussion continues...


EI: Keep praying in faith, for yourself, me and all others who share similar situations.

SI: Thanks for the mail bro! I love that letter. I have read it before, but I cannot read it enough. There are parts that are hard to swallow, but it is encouraging as well. Question: Are we ever (while on earth) totally sold out to God? I know I have been down somewhat, but my answer is no. ... My heart needs to be in that letter.

EI: I think that you are right. I cannot imagine being totally sold out to God while living among everyone else. He does tell us, "Be perfect as I am perfect", though...

SI: True....I strive and want to be spiritually perfect in Christ. I want to love God alone exclusive of all other things as that letter calls for....but I think that while here on earth....I will only progress towards such levels and not perfectly achieve them. But I think I indulge my human nature alot, too, and I compromise and make excuses for my falling short.

EI: But in always striving, God honors us by rewards here on earth. Final perseverance is what he honors most.

SI: Amen to what you just said. I try to cling to Romans 5:1-5, Jeremiah 29:11, Matthew 6:25-34, and many Psalms to encourage me in this area. They help. I hurt, but I always know God is there. I never question that, and I do not get angry with Him.

EI: Go with God ... Pray without ceasing. ...

SI: Thanks bro. You do the same. ... God be with you..... Commit your ways unto Him and He will give you the desires of your heart. --Psalm 37:4 (I think)

EI: You are right, on the reference and the thought. Good night.

SI: Good night.


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LINKS

Christian Connection

Christian Crush - free dating site featuring the article
  Christian Soul Mate | 20 Steps to Finding Yours! by Wyatt Fisher, Psy.D. and Michelle Graham

Christian Dating Sites - site reviews and more

Equally Yoked

Help for My Life - Loneliness

Ichthus Library: Love & Relationships

Purposeful Singleness: Support and Encouragement

Searching for a 'Sole' Mate by Gary Thomas

Singles Christian Network

Singles Scene/Spirit & Life (Nice Singles)

"Single You Will Be The Married You" by Phillip Holmes of desiringGod.


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RECOMMENDED READING

A wonderful book to read is Joyfully Single in a Couples' World by Harold J. Sala (Copyright 1998. Published by Horizon Books, Camp Hill, PA).

Another book that is helpful is The 10 Commandments of Dating by Ben Young and Dr. Samuel Adams (Copyright 1999. Published by Thomas Nelson Publishers, Nashville, TN).

Recommended reading for men struggling with temptation is When Good Men Are Tempted by Bill Perkins (Copyright 1997. Published by Zondervan Publishing House; Grand Rapids, Michigan).

Though I cannot claim to fully see eye-to-eye on everything in it, another good book to read is Passion and Purity: Learning to Bring Your Love Life Under Christ's Control by Elisabeth Elliot (Copyright 1984. Published by Fleming H. Revell a division of Baker Book House Company, Grand Rapids, Michigan).

Life in the Spirit: Love and Relationships ebook from Charisma featuring various authors.

Also refer to Links above.


Keep the faith! Jehovah-Jirah! God will provide.


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